In time for death

Tik tok. Time is constantly running out. Isn't that obvious already? At the train station, we chase the train that's about to move, even though we know that the next one comes in less than five minutes. At the mall, we rather take the stairs than wait for the elevator, and cut the queue than line-up like a civilized person. All that and more because we are afraid of time. We are afraid that we won't have enough seconds to do this and that.

I, for one, would love to know why we act the way we do. Why do our actions suggest that we are going to die tomorrow? Are we? If so, how do we know that? There's no way of telling for sure. Even if we're on the sick bed, battling cancer with our last ounce of strength, there's still no way of telling. Only God knows. I ask again. Why do we act like tomorrow we'll be gone?

 Walking into heaven...

Perhaps we are chasing after the things that we desire, those must-haves. We want them ASAP so that when we die, we can die calmly. Fulfilled. Satisfied. Though we run at top speed, the journey of seeking and realizing our goals seem a far stretch. Sometimes, if feels frustrating and sometimes, it even whispers the calling to give up and settle with what we have. Taking the high road would mean being shot at and still move on. Taking the safe and simple road would mean accept what we have and silently loath the path not taken for stealing our dreams away.

Is there a soup to drink to keep us going until our to-have list is all checked? Again, no way of telling.

My very own to-have list

1. A girlfriend to be made my future wife

• Those around me seem to get into relationships pretty easily. How... I ask. They seem to be in love with the right person and if they're not, they end the relationship but before I know, they're in a new one. And some end up getting married. Bravo. So why in the world am I still searching? Or rather...why in the world is no one looking for me? LOLS!
  
  Perhaps it's hard for me to fall in love. I very, very seldom find myself attracted to a girl. In the few occasions that I have, they were either taken or simply not into me. I'm 24. I plan to get married by 28. That's four years away. Is that possible? Seriously, not so sure. Jodoh (Malay for fate in relationships) is unpredictable. But if there's one thing that I can say confidently is that finding jodoh can be freaking frustrating. Not that I'm mad at fate. Not at all.

2. The status as an established novelist cum writer

• I envy writers. I want to be them. I envy the amount of pages they write and the amount of books they sell. I envy the way their thoughts flow beautifully in written words and I envy the big screens which transform their words into motion. When will I be them? I try and try and I can hardly get my blog to be read by a large audience. What more have my very own novel in the bookstore. Hell, I can't even complete a draft.
  
  But this isn't as frustrating as number 1. At least, this is more tangible or more definite for that matter. There are sites on how to be great writers. There are blogs to inspire. Stories to learn from. Writers to be role models. While tips on getting the ideal girlfriend exist, none can dissect my heart like I can. Having said that, I have not given up my dream of becoming a writer. If I have, there will be no blog...at all.

3. A nice home and sufficient money

• Very cliche. But note that I'm not looking to be a millionaire. That's too ambitious. For me, at least. All I want is to be able to afford a nice home, decorated to my likings and appropriate to nourish a happy family. I want money enough to do that. Don't need loads of cash notes in the bank until I find it difficult to spend. Too many to things to buy, too many things to decide to buy because there's too much money. This may take a very, very long time given that I have just started working full time. Darn...I barely make monthly savings.

There. That's probably a much shorter version of my desires. If I were to list all of them down, you would see MPH bookstore, TGV, New Zealand, Subzero Jeans and loads more in the list. I guess death is uncertain. And so is achieving goals. Setting them may be reasonably easy. Planning how to get there may be too. But to have it fulfilled is an entirely different matter. And to have that done before we die? Even more uncertain. We'll never know.

Looking on the bright side, our goals give us a reason for living. We sleep at night imagining that we would wake up with life partners beside us. When we do wake up for real, reality hits us hard and we get up, go to work and try to make one step closer to the ideal destination. Without that, we would get up, see nothing and feel nothing. Because there's no direction to follow. No place to go. So, good luck striving for success!